Find Your Wolf Pack

I am lucky to have finally found my wolf pack.  Technically I have 3. My family, my local friends, and my online friends.  I thought I'd talk about them a bit, in order to share how I address the loneliness of modern motherhood.

My siblings are my best friends.  Sister and I go out for margaritas every week.  My brother lives two blocks away.  My mom, aka Geegah, is local too.  We like FOOD. We're sarcastic. We're artists. We're stubborn. We laugh when it's not ok. Sibling love! Yesterday during the eclipse I went with brother and sister for a spur of the moment sibling eclipse viewing.  While I am secretly relieved for no rational reason that the situation didn't turn full "Melancholia" (yeah that movie traumatized me), it was a delightful day.  I moved cross-country to be near them when I found out I was expecting my first child, and it was the best decision I've ever made.

My second wolf pack is a little network of moms whose children are in the same "Intensive Learning Center," as my son with disabilities.  We come from very different families, but no one could understand the path I'm walking better than a fellow mom of a child with significant disabilities.  We can speak and joke openly about the experience, and though we are all heavily mired in the complex care we provide each and every day, we have a blast when we do get to go out. We communicate daily about what's going on in our kids' classroom, and support each other through the complex network that is disability care in our area. This was by far the hardest wolf pack for me to find.  Not only am I a shy introvert to begin with, but I didn't grow up here in Colorado, and because I moved immediately before giving birth to a child with complex medical needs, I haven't had a lot of opportunities to get out and meet new people. When I do go out, I get all awkward and talk too much, so it took a long time and patient friends to join a local pack.

My third wolf pack, is my online support system.  I cannot overstate how very real and supportive my online crew is to me.  Old friends from far away raising kiddos the same age as mine, and moms I've never even met, who have kids with the same rare disorder Alex has, help me get through each and every day. We never judge. We listen.  Mom can whip out her phone and present a problem or vent, and she's met with a kind ear and constructive suggestions when it's appropriate. The online wolf pack is indispensable to me, because I don't get out much.  Like many moms, particularly "special needs moms," I am always taking care of someone at home. I feel far less isolated than a mom in my same situation would have felt 20 years ago.

Now how about you?  Where is your wolf pack?  Do you have one? Finding like-minded friends who love you unconditionally takes time.  If you find yourself longing for one, I don't have a lot of advice besides to be patient, and to let your guard down.  Showing other moms that you are not perfect and don't expect them to be either, opens you up to rich friendships. It's harder than it sounds.  Social media allows us to always put our best foot forward.  Through it we convince ourselves and our friends that we have our shit together... but it's occasionally  admitting to the nasty days of failure that really humanizes us and makes us "friend material." The last thing any mom needs is one more person in her life that she needs to convince she's doing a good job.  That's not a genuine friendship.  Be the friend you'd like to have.  Soften your judgement around other moms, and you might just get the same thing in return.